people are different.

"People generally prefer to be with people like themselves." (from Divided by Faith)

Why?

I often ask this question in my mind. Sometimes unfortunately, I ask this question out loud (I'm realizing my questioning and playing devil's advocate can be annoying).

My "why's" are often left unanswered but they usually result in a search and more thinking and more questions.

I think the simple answer to the questioning of this statement is:
We like ourselves. Usually.

We think that the way we do things is probably the best way of doing things. It is, after all, the way we've chosen...to do things. So, we want to be around people who have chosen the "best way of doing things" just like we have.

Obviously, I'm inciting a problem here. Or is there? Is it really all that bad that we like to associate with people like ourselves? This can be argued sociologically from both sides fairly strongly.

Without getting too deep into that discussion (mostly because I don't understand it that well), I would argue that we are missing out when we act completely on our "inherent" desire to be with people just like us...or as close to that as we can find (we're all pretty uniquely weird, ya know?).

But, think about this (I know I need to): We are all different. Therefore, what "way of doing things" is really the best? I mean, we all do things at least a little differently. So, maybe I could be enriched by associating with people that do things differently. The fear (that often paralyzes us) is that we may actually start to think that the "other" person's way is better and that could make us change our mind about everything we've held so tightly for so long (If we let go that easily, then maybe we weren't holding it as tightly as we thought). This leaves exploration of another's culture, beliefs, faith, and preferences as an often taboo pursuit.

So, where am I really going with this? Not so sure, except I can say that I think it is okay to hold values closely and firmly. I even think that is a very good thing. But, I believe we are beings who don't have everything exactly right and we would be better served (as people and as Christians) if we would interact (and maybe even listen) to people who are "different" than us. You don't have to sell the farm and move to the other side of the world on an issue. You may often keep the very same belief on a matter, but your perspective has been widened.

It's not natural for us to associate with the "other" (I know it's not for me). But, I'm trying to explore the good in doing just that.

Episco-what.

Episcopalians. Lots of them. And me, a crazy evangelical, sitting amongst them all in the Diocese of Los Angeles. For three days we learned about reconciliation. And I came away changed (I tend to like change although I do not tend to open my arms wide for it).

We learned and were trained in a process of reconciliation. We practiced this process over a much debated topic of the conflict in the Middle East, most specifically between Israel and Palestine. There are 8 principles which we worked through:

1. Pluralism
2. Inclusion
3. Peacemaking
4. Social Justice
5. Forgiveness
6. Healing Collective Wounds
7. Sovereignty
8. Atonement

The interesting part of this conference is that the focus was on reconciliation between Abrahamic "cousins" (Jews, Muslims, and Christians). The idea being that because we all share the important value of submission to God, the God of Abraham, we should be able to find peace with one another.

The reality is that this is probably the most complex problem/relationship/scenario/struggle in the history of man. Yet, it was so encouraging to be in a group that simply was not giving up. I had several moments where I just said, "This is not worth it," but our group continued to work through the long process.

What I learned or was reminded:

• Reconciliation is a long, exhausting process that takes perseverance and extreme commitment through difficult times. No matter what the scenario, it takes work.
• Listen first. Listen second. Consider talking third. A lesson I have been trying to work hard on recently.
• Say you're sorry. Ask for forgiveness, Forgive freely. We don't take blame easily. I need to humble myself easily and say sorry more often.
• I may well be (I would argue I am) part of groups of people that have inflicted on harm on other groups of people. Whether it be the faith group I am part of, the gender, the ethnicity, the race, or another, I have intentionally or unintentionally contributed to someone else's harm (whether legitimate or not). For this, I must be willing to apologize and work toward reconciliation.
• My takeaway: True reconciliation must be rooted in love which is found purely in Jesus Christ.

Episcopalians taught me a lot this week. For this I am thankful.