The Story Beneath

How often I place judgment on someone whom I have no idea what's going on deep within, behind those eyes and down into the depths of their hearts. We all have stories. None of us know the full story of the person sitting next to us. We may know a lot, but we didn't experience it the way they did.

Kids give it away. They don't give their story away. Oh no, it's not that easy. But, they do give away the fact that things aren't as rosy as they may seem. They don't think they are flashing these signs. They think they've got it covered. They have to cover it. It hurts too much. But their attempts at hiding are only magnifying the depth of their need. Again, a need for hope. A need for love. A need for acceptance, forgiveness, belonging, dignity, unconditional love, someone to listen.

How dare I judge them this way.

But...how dare I NOT love them.

I've seen a few examples over the past couple of months as I've substitute taught all around the area in all types of schools and classrooms.

One day, I was feeling a little sorry for myself as I was having a rough week. I was basking in my misery when I asked a 6th grade girl, Jessica, if everything was alright. I could tell something was wrong because she wasn't having a good day. She told me her life is a living H-E-L-L and she felt like crying at lunch today.

Not knowing what to say, I said, "Why?"

She said, "I'm in the middle of a divorce. My dad likes another woman, and I can't stand her. My dad is also fighting his way out of providing child support to my and my siblings. And, my mom just started dating an alcoholic."

Woops. My situation doesn't seem so bad after all. This poor 12-year-old is dealing with things that 12-year-olds were never meant to deal with.

Then, there was Parker. Parker was in 5th grade. He was furious at me. So furious that he was breathing heavily through his nostrils as I asked him what was wrong:

"You want me to be honest?" he said.

"Yes, Parker, please be completely honest with me," I said.

"Well, Mr. Lantz, I'm just not getting along very well with you at all," Parker revealed.

"Parker, I'm not getting along very well with you either. What should we do about this?" I asked.

The story ended with Parker sitting in the corner and later apologizing to me and we made amends. I'm not sure what the deal was with Parker, but I'm sure it was just what I was doing in the classroom that day that lead to his fury. What in the world was he dealing with at home?

Stephan carried himself like he was mad at the world. After I asked him the 9th time to put away the rubber bands that he was shooting at people (I know. It's bad that I waited this long), he got upset so I sent him down to the dean. Stephan wasn't real happy with me the rest of the day, but this 3rd grader wore "hate" on his sleeve and it hurts me to think of where that comes from.

All I know is that we must dig into these types of stories because there is usually a whole lot going on below the surface. If only we would start scratching.